The Year of January

Time has gone by thickly this month. It feels like almost a year has passed since the New Year came. Has it? The world is a different place here for me and all my anticipation about what it might seem like without my dad was no preparation at all for what this feels like but I am trying hard to be back, trying hard to mix the move forward with good memories and less pain. Back to home and friends and new projects, back to a new collection to be designed (very late), back to filling orders, and back starting tomorrow to the new Brooklyn Flea, my first weekend of many--I am looking forward to seeing my old friends there and hopefully some of you. I am excited for Valentine's Day, being a lover of love in all it's incarnations and am working on project for a little group show to benefit relief work in Haiti just before.

That's how my dad would want it.

Lastly today, I want to tell you how appreciative I am of all your kind and comforting words over the last month. All your love and support from near and far helped me and my family so much more than you can know. Thank you. A few people have told me that that they actually booked tickets to see their loved ones--I say yes. Do it. Be present, linger in every moment.
love, deb

A Life

Nate Stein 1920-2010

Thank you so much for all your beautiful words of comfort last week while my dad was in the hospital. My father passed away on Friday as the sun was going down with all of us around him, holding both of his hands and each other. It's difficult to accept the loss of someone you had so much time to love here in this world, here that we know. Grieving is a shapeless process.

...it is not news that we live in a world
Where beauty is unexplainable
And suddenly ruined
And has its own routines. We are often far
From home in a dark town, and our griefs
Are difficult to translate into a language
Understood by others.

Charlie Smith
"The Meaning of Birds"

Heartbreak

dad and my big brother at emily's graduation last may

This is how I begin: This is the first time I've been home in 9 days. My father is very sick. My family and I have been with him in the hospital since last Monday night and we are holding out hope that he will pull through. He is old and fragile. While we hope big, we are feeling sad and confused also.

There is so much to this experience, every nuance of whatever this misshapen process is, carries pain and hope and ability, reflection and wishes and love and heartbreak, weakness and strength. We are feeling as many feelings as I think there are. We are taking it minute by minute right now, but sometimes we forget. I hope things will go back to normal soon, like my father would want for all of us. I miss you.

A New Year

I was just told last night that we are beginning a new decade. I never got that memo but the last day of any year is the time I usually get ready for a big do-over. I tell myself all the things I want to try to be this year and all the things I want to do and try. Where all that clarity comes from I don't know. Must be about ending and beginning all at the same time. Then the first day is filled with that hazy clearness of movement forward and doing a whole lot of fun nothing. Also Jim woke up this morning with hot pink lipstick all over his face. Luckily there is photo-proof I was wearing hot-pink lipstick last night and rose-colored (2010) glasses, which I plan to keep on all year.

That being said, wishing you all a happy magical year with big hugs and little (hotpink) kisses.

(magical photos by the unicorn diaries)