Monday, November 1, 2010

How to be a Party Cloud

I thought they said they needed a Party "CLOUD".

How to be a Cloud for Halloween (in less than 12 hours):
STEP 1: Go to American Apparel after picking up groceries only minutes before getting dinner for 6 together. Tell husband, don't worry, you'll only be five minutes while he waits in the car.
STEP 2: Ask girl near sale bin if there are anymore silver spandex leggings in something larger than XS and also will it be obscene to stuff my fat ass in silver spandex leggings size XS?
STEP 3: Listen to the girl reply, "Well, these are like, a really good deal because normally they're $34.99 but today they're only $10 because you know, like, it's Halloween this weekend."
STEP 4: Ask her if this amazing discount will make my ass look any smaller. Or if Halloween will make my ass look any smaller.
STEP 5: Watch her nervously say, she really doesn't know.
STEP 6: Ask if they have any jackets to go with the XS silver spandex leggings.
STEP 7: Go inside and buy a silver spandex jacket (only size available: XS) for 50% off because you know like, it's Halloween (and I guess they don't sell as well as they used to, an industry secret).
STEP 8: Buy the whole kit and kaboodle, plus a shirt the color of the sky. Get suckered into another one at half off.
STEP 9: Wake up early and a little hungover an hour before leaving for a little kid party and call Value Drug in Huntington, Lawng Island. Order 36 helium-filled white balloons.
STEP 10: Go to sports shop and buy silver swim cap because in theory I am supposed to be the silver lining (sadly end up looking like the tin man or as Rachel said "a space monkey shit shoveler".)
STEP 11: Go home and make husband try on silver spandex outfit. Laugh and laugh.
STEP 12: Put outfit on and adapt to how tight it is.
STEP 13: Get in car and put on a cloud-like application of face paint while listening to the Beasty Boys. Feel pretty cool. Wave to people in other cars.
STEP 14: Run in to Value Drug in Huntigton, Lawng Island, pick up balloons while no one gives me a second glance, in silver spandex outfit, see balloons there behind the counter and say to the little kid in line, "I'm a cloud."
STEP 15: Crash party. Tell kids, "I'm a cloud." Hand out little glow in the dark stars and tell kids, "I found these in the sky for you." Listen to kids chant "CLOUD. CLOUD. CLOUD." and ask, hey can I have a balloon?" Tell them "no".

The moral of this story is, whether or not you actually look like a cloud, if you tell people you're a cloud, you're a cloud. Best Halloween ever.


heidi said...

I love you Deb!!! (at first glance I thought you were balloon boy!) xoh

onesilentwinter said...

your are hilarious who needs primetime comedy hour on nbc- i just cracked up, i so can picture the girl at american apparel.

Oh deb you have the best spirit ever! But now i just can't get jim in silver spandex out of my head!

Amanda said...

A Very Fine Cloud. (I was a biting fairy.)

So happy you're back, darling.

Estrella said...

Oh my God! the costume is so cute!!and the photos are too, love it! so original, it seem tha you had a great time!

Vana said...

ha ha ha! Love it nicey!!

Please contact me prior to your arrival in Chicago. I'd love to see you - finally! You will be in my neck of the woods! Yay! So happy!

Marie said...

I'm glad you explained it all. Sounds like the time I went to the parade dressed as a Chicken Rustler. Kind of, like, well, maybe not.

As it.

limonana said...

BEST Halloween costume EVVVVVVVER!!!! :o) I'm smiling from ear to ear!

What Possessed Me said...


hmstrjam said...

haha love this! It's a Bon Cloud!

cindy* said...

you are a nut! haha!


Jennifer Shingelo said...

This is AWESEOME, Deb! I love it!

Cannelle Et Vanille said...

Deb, this is the best thing I've seen in a long time!! I'm with Cindy, you are a nut and I love you for it!!! Wooza!!

Melissa de la Fuente said...

I simply adore you Deb! You are absolutely the best and this makes me SO happy! Of COURSE you were the silver lining....cause, you ARE! I miss you...please come visit....please invite me to your home & show me the new stuff you are working on...please please please! :)
ps yes, we BOTH need those boots! Get ON it!

Julie said...

Bah! The outfit, the balloons, the tight spandex! All of these things are reason why halloween is so fantastic. Also the fact that you can wear all of this without a second glance. priceless.

molly said...

so freakin rad, deb, freakin rad!
a girlfriend and i once went to my neice's b'day party as "Pink 1" and "Pink 2" --what were we? who knows? but we were all in pink and they LOVED pink! we did a whole routine i barely remember, but had something to do with a peanut butter sandwich...